I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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