Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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