Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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