You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
