and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
