i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
