my phone needs a breathalizer
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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