A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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