yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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