For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
