Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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