they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
