Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
