Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
