I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
