and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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