Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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