Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
