Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
