Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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