We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
