I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
