The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
