i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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