her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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