is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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