so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
