I was born with a shot glass in my hand
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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