I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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