so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
