More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
