Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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