getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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