any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
