i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
