did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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