We got so high we made milksteak
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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