bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
