I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
