I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i barfeds in our rink
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
