Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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