for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
