you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Randomize
