Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house