I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.