Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!