I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
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you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner