We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
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I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.