I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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