He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize