apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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