He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
