I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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