last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
