Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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