i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Oh god it's open bar.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
