I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
