I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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