it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
