btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
