yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
