I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He did a backflip because drugs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
