I looked at my own cervix.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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