I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
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It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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