i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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