Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
