I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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