saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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