Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
home. puking in laundry basket.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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